From: Chelsea Clark
Subject: Snapshots: LIfe March with James
Date: May 13, 2018 at 6:49:26 PM EDT
To: Elizabeth Goodenough
My first day at the Simon Studio was Saturday, April 14, 2014. James was already there, traveling back and forth on the train from Connecticut. I don't remember our first meeting, but I do know that he was somewhat of a legend at the studio when I arrived. People appreciated his acting ability, and he was also taking on directing, as Roger Simon would respectfully ask for his opinion during class. He received the studio award at our first Bard at the Bar.
We became friends pretty quickly. We are both from the Midwest -- I from Columbus, Ohio and he from Ann Arbor, Michigan, where my father was born and where he, my Uncle Tom, their father and numerous other relatives graduated from and/or worked at the University of Michigan. So I am pretty familiar with Ann Arbor, as my family often traveled there. When we discussed family, James told me that he had a younger brother my age, so that quickly established the nature of our relationship. Since I have an older brother who is around his age, we both knew our places. I played the devoted, compassionate but slightly irreverent younger sister to his confiding, faithful and doting older brother.
I remember, early on, that he talked about how he always got nervous at auditions. I told him that I figured when I went to an audition, I had the role already, for the 3 to 5 minutes that the audition lasted. So I didn't have to worry about it, since the role was mine. He was grateful for that piece of advice, and I was surprised that I could give him something related to acting that mattered.
We started to walk everywhere. One of our early walks came about because he wasn't good with directions, and wasn't familiar with the city -- he had only recently moved to Brooklyn -- or so he said. He wanted to meet some people at a bar, and I took him there. I think he was surprised when we got there because I did not want to go in, but I was clear in drawing the lines of our relationship. I was his friend, and I did not want to be his lover.
He said he was not much of a walker before we started walking together, but we soon started to walk home regularly from the Simon Studio. We kept that up throughout the years. He would talk and I would listen, or we would rehearse or say some lines from various plays. Once, we met some of his friends on the street and performed a spontaneous Shakespeare scene. Another time my Mom called during one of our late night after-studio walks. She said she was glad I was walking with James as then I would be safe. James and I both laughed at this. We both knew that if there was trouble, I'd be the one protecting us both -- he was a gentle soul.
I told James that I was going to be in charge of NYC after the Apocalypse. He determined that he would be one of my Generals. As we walked home, I would show him the buildings that I planned to use as a control center. He just laughed.
James called our walks "Life Marches." He did not hide from anyone the fact that he had been hospitalized, that he had gone through therapy. But when he was with me on those walks, his mood was never somber. He would talk about things he wanted to do, or things he was doing, or his relationships. I would chide him when he got himself into trouble -- as he did regularly -- and he would hang his head when I told him he was being ridiculous, and say, "I know." He did get himself into some scrapes. He tried another studio at one point and was kicked out because of his behavior, and we laughed about it together.
In the daytime, James and I would often go to Pier 5 in Brooklyn Heights, where we would sit on the bench facing Manhattan and talk or just gaze over the water. He would text me and ask if we could walk, and most of the time I was available. If I was busy, I always got back to him the next day so we could get together. Pier 5 became our "go-to" place. We also spent time on a bench outside of my building, and at various restaurants around Brooklyn Heights. I introduced him to Happy Days and to Park Place Restaurant. He particularly liked Park Place. And he cooked for me several times, carefully packing up the leftovers so I could take them home.
It was amazing how many times I would run into James in Brooklyn Heights. Of course, we lived close to each other, and it really isn't a very large place. One time, I had gotten a text message and was sitting on the steps of a church to respond when he came by. He saw me and said, "Oh, so you live at the church now?" I loved his flippant comments. Later in our relationship, he asked me to come to a bar close to where he lived, and we hung out there a number of times. I also met his father at that bar, as he was staying at the local hotel. I found him to be just as kind and gentle as James, and it was clear that he loved his son and was concerned about him. We all were.
James tried a couple of different studios. He would become very enthused about new studios, and he would try to lure me into going with him, but I could not be moved. I remember he told me about one of them where the director was very insulting and demeaning. That is just not how I perform well, and I didn't particularly think it was good for James, either. He was on a kick about how he didn't like it when he had only positive feedback, but I had seen him when he got less-than-positive feedback at the Simon Studio and he always appeared upset.
He started to contact me before Simon Studio class, saying that if I was going, he was going. He sat with me, and I guess people knew we were friends. Some people assumed more -- one of the directors recently asked me point-blank if we had been lovers. Of course, we never had.
It must be hard for people to understand a platonic relationship such as we had. After being cast in one play that James was directing, the casting director learned that we were friends. The casting director told James that this was not professional and we should have no contact with each other outside of the play. James thought this was funny and shared it with me. Of course, we continued to walk and talk, but we didn't advertise it. He was irreverent, too.
Regarding the work, James and I were both chosen for the Burlington Written Trio -- Modern Dance Explosion video that was filmed on December 3, 2014. We were also both in Anna Ingham's two plays that went up in December, 2014, although we were in separate plays. His comments about the writing were . . . insightful, at best.
In 2015, I brought the play TOTAL ECLIPSE into the Studio, as I was enchanted with the writing and the characters. James approached me and asked if he could play Paul Verlaine to my Arthur Rimbaud, and of course I said yes. Roger Simon would have switched the casting but I thought we got it just right. We both enjoyed playing these sarcastic, impious characters, and their relationship with each other was not too far from our own. Of course, we would recite bits and pieces of the play everywhere, and James liked when I found and posted a picture of the two scoundrels on Facebook, relabeled with our names.
One scene that I recently posted on Facebook was from THE COUGH/THE WEB, which James was in rehearsal for outside of the Simon Studio. Eddie Lew, who was directing, wanted to show a scene, and James asked me to play opposite to his monologue. I knew nothing about the script, and would have played the character differently if I'd read it -- guess she wasn't supposed to be so understanding as James' character revealed his criminal past . . . but again, it was reflective of our relationship.
James later invited me to play one of the detectives in THE COUGH/THE WEB when it went up in January, 2015. James was wildly enthusiastic about starting his own company, and had asked me to be part of it several years before. THE COUGH/THE WEB was the premiere performance of that company, which he named Lord Essex's Men. He counted Effie Kammer, Tyler Gardella, Dalton Davis and Chandra Albritton among its members, and he had great plans for future performances. Among his plans, he wanted to return to London with a Shakespeare play. I told him that was like taking coals to New Castle, but he would not be deterred. I also told him that was his dream, not mine, but I'm not sure that he knew the difference.
At that point, he was looking ahead to ALBRIGHT, and started to talk to me about auditioning for the role of Jean Clemens. He thought the role was just right for me. I eventually did so, and we spent intense time in rehearsals, culminating in a performance in Buffalo. James was never one to keep quiet about his opinions, and I did not hold back, either -- I remember one rehearsal where I disagreed with his notion that I should call the Albright character by his first name during a warm-up game, and he abdicated to my position when I reminded him that my character never used anything but "Mister" in the script. I never liked those stupid warm-up games, anyway -- I remember one director telling me that he never knew anyone who hated acting games as much as I did. Too many of them, from high school on.
James and I went to each others' performances outside of the studio when we could. I was glad he came to LET IT COME DOWN, as it was a big one for me. He didn't have much to say, but his presence meant a lot to me.
Of course, James enjoyed intellectualizing, and was good at dissecting scripts. He was also good at directing, and I think his acting helped him out there. He trusted me, so sometimes his directing was pretty vague. With ALBRIGHT, there was a time when I had to be onstage wasting time while the 2 other actors dressed -- lots of costumes in that one, and they were hard to get on as there were a lot of buttons. James told me before the sole performance of the show that what I had been doing wasn't working and to do something else -- that was my direction. He later told me he'd liked what I'd done.
At the close of ALBRIGHT, James told me that he was going home to Ann Arbor and that he would see me when he returned to the city. I was distraught when I learned he had been back to the city without visiting me. But he knew that I never would condone his taking his own life, and I don't think he wanted to admit any inconstancy into his plan. At one point in our relationship he was convinced that he had ruined it by his "stupidity" (his word) when he had said something he feared had offended me, and I had to convince him that I was not going away. I always thought that part of him couldn't stand to have anything too good, or to be around people whose opinions of him were too high. This was coupled with his own expressed feelings of superiority and occasions of haughtiness, so it must have been quite an internal struggle for him.
In any event, I loved him dearly, and I will never forget him. I have been too devastated to write about him or talk about him until just recently. I could not go to the friends' memorial gathering for him in NYC, particularly as I felt that so much of our relationship was private. I did not talk to people about him, and I assume that he also did not talk to people about me. I especially did not talk about the personal things he shared with me. And it was too painful thinking about relegating our relationship to a few sentences spoken at a memorial service.
James did not like to have his picture taken, but here are a few that I have in my possession, as well as some other pictures related to our Life Marches.
This picture was taken after Bard at the Bar, 2015. Among other things, Francesca Calo and I played two male soldiers -- James had done the same role as I the previous year, and insisted that I had done a better job playing a male soldier than he had! Afterwards, he joined two of my friends, my mother and I for dinner. We walked to a local diner, where he ordered ravioli and he acted like someone had given him a million dollars when my Mom picked up the tab -- he was very grateful. He told me that he liked my friends, especially because we did not drink. This was the Bard at the Bar where I didn't get the studio award -- James came to sit beside me before it was announced, and told me, "Prepare to get an award." He was devastated when I didn't get it -- I really didn't care.
Walking home from the studio
The City at night. Includes the buildings that I would control after the Apocalypse.
Looking towards Brooklyn
Actors' Expo, April 18, 2015. We showed up at Roger Simon's request to advertise for the Simon Studio. James immediately stole my hat and would not give it back to me. I did get it back at the end of our shift . . . James didn't like having his picture taken, as shown by his uplifted hand. He didn't like Facebook or social media in general, and would rant about it. Someone snapped the shot anyway. Later that day, he came with me to see another studio member's film showing.
I was literally receiving a text message from James when this photo was shot. I was at the Cloisters. He wanted to hang out, and I told him where I was. He texted, "Hie thee to a nunnery," and I informed him that I was already there.
Just two wild & crazy guys
In rehearsal for ALBRIGHT.